Morrow Project Artwork i've done...

[natehale1971]

[kato13]

One word. AMAZING.

[natehale1971]

thank you.. you should see my artwork thta i've done while actually sitting at the gaming table during a game. Or my adult artwork for that matter.

[kato13]

I'm actually pretty good at drawing women. Unfortunately the type of drawings I do never led me to master drawing clothes .

[natehale1971]

I'm actually pretty good at drawing women. Unfortunately the type of drawings I do never led me to master drawing clothes .

I know that feeling... my adult artwork is very... intense.

[Mohoender]

Two words: nice work.

[natehale1971]

Thank you for the compliment!

[stoner63]

Great work !
I started on this forum with the MP uniforms thread and now I have a better idea of what you are talking about there.
Thanks for the insight on the assault vest as well !
Be well and I also know what its like to miss a son so I sympathize.

[natehale1971]

thank you.

i miss my sons so damn bad, it hurts more than any other pain i have ever suffered. emma swore she would never do anything like this to me. that she would never throw me away.

it's been exactly one year ago since the wreck. one year ago exactly as i write this, i was brought out of the OR and slipped into a week and half long coma.

emma had called the hospital all through the day when i was in that coma. demanding to know how HER HUSBAND was doing, and why the doctors and nurses where not calling her to keep her informed of my status. when i woke from the coma, she called me and said she loved me, and wanted me to get well enough to get on a plane to get to her so she could take care of me.

but she has already found someone else. and the boys know i can't be there because of her and her new boyfriend. when i was there in may Jack asked if i was finally going to be staying, and i started crying and said no. he wiped my tears away and said "because of mummy and 'om."

my boysknow i love them. that i miss them. and they know its herfault that i cantbe there.

[stoner63]

Forgive my ignorance, you were wounded in action
I didn't mean to open your emotional wounds but I must say that I know some of how you feel.
My X didn't know her Father until she was 25 years old because her Mother told her that he was dead all of her life. You'd think she would never stand in the way of someone who wanted to maintain a relationship she never really knew...but no.
She has done nothing but do her damnedest to stand in my way. Lies in the court room and a bureaucracy that makes decisions with the rest of your life in a cold 15 minutes has aided her mission. She forgot one thing: my son would soon approach manhood and make his up his own mind without her steering.
I wait patiently because that's all I have...it all started when he was only 8 months old and now he's 15.
I am half Sicilian and Half Gibraltarian, he's a quarter Sicilian and a teen ager and I wouldn't wish that on a broke dick dog, as they say !!
Now he says he wants to live with me for over a year now, we took it to court once and she lied her way out of it and kept him from speaking his mind in court but every dog has his day...and I'll be there watching my son look in the direction of manhood.
There have been countless boyfriends and she's on her second husband, my son and he don't get along but that is to be expected with the revolving man syndrome that she has.
I know this doesn't sound encouraging to you but you must NEVER lose your cool in the face of whatever happens or you forfeit the game and you CANNOT lose.
My advice is to stay as frosty as you can muster, keep your nose clean, NEVER bad mouth the mother no matter how much (if at all) she may, do your thing, heal yourself, think about explaining things to the boys as they get older (i had to wait a long time before my son could even talk) and when the time is right you'll say all the right(truthful) things. Above all let them draw their own conclusions as you do the best Fathering job you can.
Now, I am in construction and out of steady work for about 8 months now. No child support-no visitation.
With the way economy is going-or not going- I'm going to have scramble big time to catch up and even still it'll be an easy year before I can recover, pay my arrears up and get the kid on a plane without her causing a problem.
We may be living the Morrow Project before that happens for all I know at this point.

[natehale1971]

I was injuried when i was in the service. but that's not the problems i'm having at the moment. Today (23 July) is exactly one year since the wreck that killed me happened. i had asked God as they took me from the ER to the OR "Please God, if my marriage isn't going to work out. Please don't let me wake up."

I died on the operating table, and twice more when i was in a week and half coma. They put me on life support, something everyone knew (because i have told them over and over again) that i NEVER wanted to be on life support. even if only for a second. I keep wondering if God said okay, but they intervered and brought me back. Everyone tells me that God has given me a second chance and that I shouldn't let it go to waste. I would never do anything stupid, because i don't want the boys to blame themselves or Emma for me killing myself.

My boys are 4 (Jack) and 2 (Zachary), and they know that their daddy loves them, and they want me to be there with them. But it's Emma who is keeping us apart. They remember who I am. Even after it had been a year since I had seen them last.

Being apart like this is killing me. this hurts worse than the pain from having the wreck. they put my legs back on, and put metal in my legs to hold the shattered bones together. And it hurts like you wouldn't believe. i take methadone and oxycodone for the pain. i even have to take muscle relaxants just to sleep without the muscles they put back together from jerking me so hard i fly out of my bed.

i still love her. and i feel so damn stupid. she promised she would never do something like this to me. she pomised.

[kato13]

I just want to say again Nate that we are all pulling for you. Today being an anniversary just means that hopefully you are pulling further away from the worst of the situations. God did reach out and give you a second chance for a reason and you purpose is not fulfilled yet. If we can be here for inspiration, distraction, venting, support, or anything else please take advantage of it.

[natehale1971]

I just want to say again Nate that we are all pulling for you. Today being an anniversary just means that hopefully you are pulling further away from the worst of the situations. God did reach out and give you a second chance for a reason and you purpose is not fulfilled yet. If we can be here for inspiration, distraction, venting, support, or anything else please take advantage of it.

thank you kato. i really wish i had someone here with me right now. i need help and support that being in this apartment alone all the time. all i have is the TV and the internet. having you guys has helped. but its not the same as having someone to hold me when i am crying because there is a commercial on with babies, or the show that i'm watching has a child and father in it. i miss my sons so damn bad. it's killing me. i really wish she wouldn't have done this. why did she promise she wouldn't do this, and still do it why did she say she loved me and wanted me when i woke up how can someone just stop loving you i dont understand it. i still love everyone i have ever loved.

[stoner63]

Nate,
I don't believe in coincidences and although the exact reasons for your present conditions may seem horrific and unfair they will make their lessons known to you in the future.
I know, as I said earlier, some of your suffering and one thing that I learned is that when you have children offing yourself is no longer an option no matter how appropriate it may seem. Trust a stranger on this one.
The isolation and loneliness you speak of I know all too well. The sleep deprivation, the images that are endearing to almost everyone kill you inside a little each time you see them but see them you will, over and over.
It seems almost impossible right now but they will get easier to handle if you start thinking that at some point those images will include you.
Happiness will find you and the boys if you are willing to hang in and its very likely that the boys themselves will carry it to you.
My son's mother has done everything from then to now to demonize me and alienate me from my son. There were times when I felt like talking a long walk from the whole thing but I hung in long enough for me to realize through him that her brain washing didn't work.
Its done some damage, no doubt but not enough to destry my image in his mind.
I wish I had something to tell you about your physical pain, I don't like the drugs they pump you up with. Oxycodone is evil and I have lost several friends to the addiction to it.
The pain is horrible, I can only imagine, but the drugs can mess up your head and liver.
I don't have an alternative for you on that one I just wish there was another way to get you some relief.
You need to get yourself out of that apartment as much as you are able and get some wind in your hair, do some people watching, talk to people and rediscover your world again.
You must rebuild yourself...for the boys.
I am here to tell you that a day will most certainly come when the boys will need you and want your company and council on things that their mother can't help them with and other men can't give them.
You only get issued one Father and that's you

[natehale1971]

thank you for your kind words. i try to get out, i really do. i even walked to the walmart at the begining of July so i could get my VA disability check cashed so i could pay my rent. I still haven't rully recovered from that. but i was able to make a walk that use to take me 10 minutes that ended up taking an hour and half. but i did it. i love my boys, and i can't wait to be able to hold them again. my heart hurts so much, my arms ache to just hold them. when i was there in may, they where so loving. and they knew the last day.. they knew i was going back here. they didn't want to leave, they wanted to stay with me at their grandparents as long as they could. but emma wanted to go back home. jack said please come back soon. emma's mom said that the boys keep asking for me. she promised she wouldn't do this, she promised that she would try to make our marriage work out. but she lied. the only think keeping me going is the boys. all through my time at the VAMC in asheville that kept me going was the fact emma had called me when i came out of the coma and said she loved me, and wanted me there in the UK as soon as i could get on a plane. my docotrs and therapists thought i was pushing to hard because i had started walking on the parallel bars in October. something they said i shouldn't be starting until December at the earliest. all because she said that she loved me, and that she wanted me to get there as quickly as i could. after the accident when i was in Carolinas Medical Center, i went crazy because of all the different drugs they had given me. i didn't know who i was, didn't know who my mother was, but i knew who Emma and the boys where. every morning they kept asking me if i knew where i was. and when i asked why they kept asking me what country i was in, they said it was because i had thought i was in england and they had been keeping me away from my wife and boys. she promised she would never do this, because she knew how many times i had been hurt in the past. how many times i had been thrown away by those i loved. the only things i have loved that hasn't thrown me away has been God, my country and my Boys. they are the only ones who haven't thrown me away.