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OT: Non-human primates and firearms

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  • #1

    OT: Non-human primates and firearms

    I am a long time advocate of giving non-human primates human rights, or at least some of them. When you look into the eyes of a chimp, bonobo, orang or gorilla you can tell there is a person in there. A really weird (from our point of view) person admittedly, but they have their own complicated lives, wants and desires.

    Sadly they are probably not long for this world, due entirely to us and the damage we cause them and their environment. It is for these reasons that the following video made me smile. I know it's not real, but I wish it was.



    Wild chimps with AKs and ammo would be cool. Yes they would probably just end up shooting each other. No they probably couldn't be taught the importance of maintaining their weapons properly. But I love the concept all the same. Boy would the poachers get a big surprise!
    sigpic "It is better to be feared than loved" - Nicolo Machiavelli
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  • #2


    Giving a chimp a loaded weapon!!! Although he sure cleared the crowd rather quickly! I forsee a future in riot control!!

    The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis.

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    • #3
      Targan, I figured you always were a tree-hugger the moment I saw your avatar of a 'roo with a beer!


      But could this be done Imagine...a demented mad scientist with his own army of AK-wielding, jabbering primates with transmitters grafted onto their primitive brains. It'd look like something out of a 50's scifi movie....or maybe a Twilight 2000 scenario perhaps

      Mad Scientist: "Operation Gorilla Storm has BEGUN! Go forth my Primates, and CONQUER! MUWAHAHAHHAHAHAHH!!!!!"

      Monkeys: "Oooh oooh ooh oooh Eeeek EEEEEK!!!"

      And if you dont' believe animals can be taught, I present the following commercials as proof!


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      http://www.youtube.com/watchv=VAGLurY7IAY


      404 Not Found
      http://www.youtube.com/watchv=nqoDVr9jtCg



      The latter commercial is certainly another idea...rocket and machine gun armed birdies, just imagine....

      Hunters: "Oh shit, DUCK!"

      "The use of force is always an answer to problems. Whether or not it's a satisfactory answer depends on a number of things, not least the personality of the person making the determination. Force isn't an attractive answer, though. I would not be true to myself or to the people I served with in 1970 if I did not make that realization clear."
      — David Drake

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      • #4
        My face when I read Targan's awesome post...

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        • #5
          I remember asking in one of these forums, "What stage in hominid development would out ancestors have made usable soldiers" At that point could they be taught to use a firearm responsibly and take care of it Be taught fire and movement Be taught martial arts Be taught anything more than bashing someone with a club
          I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons...First We Take Manhattan, Jennifer Warnes

          Entirely too much T2K stuff here: www.pmulcahy.com

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          • #6
            Originally posted by pmulcahy11b View Post
            I remember asking in one of these forums, "What stage in hominid development would out ancestors have made usable soldiers" At that point could they be taught to use a firearm responsibly and take care of it Be taught fire and movement Be taught martial arts Be taught anything more than bashing someone with a club
            Great question Paul. IMO the technical aspect of weapon's drills might be the hardest part, but even chimpanzee troops use patrolling tactics that are very similar to our own...

            404 Not Found
            http://www.youtube.com/watchv=a7XuXi3mqYM

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Fusilier View Post
              Great question Paul. IMO the technical aspect of weapon's drills might be the hardest part, but even chimpanzee troops use patrolling tactics that are very similar to our own...

              http://www.youtube.com/watchv=a7XuXi3mqYM
              God that was eerie to watch...
              I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons...First We Take Manhattan, Jennifer Warnes

              Entirely too much T2K stuff here: www.pmulcahy.com

              Comment

              • #8
                Reminds me of the original Planet of the Apes films where the apes, specifically the Gorillas, were armed with rifles.

                It works as an idea for a game though - you just have to justify why the apes are now intelligent enough to use firearms. For example I ran a Morrow Project inspired game a few years ago where Alien invaders were breeding (and mentally enhancing) apes to use them as foot soldiers in their war against the humans.

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                • #9
                  "I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress them up, and make them re-enact the Civil War..." "Couldn't hurt. Unless the monkeys start hurting people. Which they almost certainly would"
                  "You're damn right, I'm gonna be pissed off! I bought that pig at Pink Floyd's yard sale!"

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                  • #10
                    I have to say, CA, that the subject: line and last poster (you) gave me a laugh...

                    NON-HUMAN PRIMATES AND FIREARMS
                    ...Canadian Army

                    THIS IS MY SIG, HERE IT IS.

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                    • #11
                      404 Not Found
                      http://www.youtube.com/watchv=qRQkSG36VB8&feature=player_embedded


                      If they can be used as chaperones....

                      If it moves, shoot it, if not push it, if it still doesn't move, use explosives.

                      Nothing happens in isolation - it's called "the butterfly effect"

                      Mors ante pudorem

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                      • #12
                        It's been done. Army Basic is full of knuckle draggers who can neither keep themselves clean nor execute any instruction to an acceptable standard. Some are hairier than others.
                        “We’re not innovating. We’re selectively imitating.” June Bernstein, Acting President of the University of Arizona in Tucson, November 15, 1998.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Webstral View Post
                          It's been done. Army Basic is full of knuckle draggers who can neither keep themselves clean nor execute any instruction to an acceptable standard. Some are hairier than others.
                          Now, Now, quit picking on the infantry!

                          The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            May I suggest:

                            Hell Island
                            If you run out of fuel, become a pillbox.
                            If you run out of ammo, become a bunker.
                            If you run out of time, become a hero.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Originally posted by JHart View Post
                              May I suggest:

                              Hell Island
                              <shudders> Yes, it's a really good story idea but... it's another Matthew Reilly book. I really like the premise he has for a number of his stories but I absolutely despise his writing style.
                              Having said that. I'll say again, the premise of Hell Island is pretty interesting for what we are talking about here.

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