Stupid GI Tricks

[dragoon500ly]

While cleaning out the ole storage shed, I came across a box of old journals that I had maintained while serving in the Green Machine from 1977-1987...its a collection of things that I had witnessed, thought it would be good for a laugh!

While on a field exercise at Hohenfels, we had a platoon get lost. For those who have never been to the there, right in the middle of the maneuver area is a rather tall hill capped with the ruins of and old castle. Needless to say, if you keep that landmark on one hand, you will eventually arrive at the main post. It was also a favorite assembly area prior to moving back to the motor pool.

Our fearless Second Lieutenant was fresh out of ROTC and was convinced that because he was a "Butter Bar", that the NCOs of his platoon had nothing to teach him.

Picture the company commander sitting in his jeep, on top of Castle Hill, watching the platoon drive around and around the hill, while the platoon leader, had his map spread out all over the coupola of his M-60A1.

Our Captain would come up on the radio net and ask the platoon their ETA and was assured by the Lieutenant that he was five minutes out. After almost an hour of watching this, the Captain comes up on the net and orders the platoon to halt. He then asks for the location of the platoon. After the Lieutenant gives a grid (32km off), the Captain asks the Lieutenant to stand up and look to his left, and did the Lieutenant see the CO waving at him

Yes Virginia, the most dangerous weapon known to man, is a Second Lieutenant with a map!

[pmulcahy11b]

Yes Virginia, the most dangerous weapon known to man, is a Second Lieutenant with a map!

We used to say the most dangerous thing was a 2LT with a map, a weapon, and a plan...

[Webstral]

You guys are so tempting fate. Do you want another tirade from me about the evils of the commissioning system as it exists today

Webstral

[Adm.Lee]

I have a similar "virtual" story. When I was in ROTC, one of my classmates was having a terrible time with learning map-grids. Our instructor pretty much had to repeat everything at least twice for him. A week or so later, that guy & I went to see "Platoon"* (that should give you an idea how long before GPS this was). During the scene in which the LT is fumbling with the map and radio under fire, I got to poke poor Steve in the ribs. A lot. He nearly punched me in the face!

* It might have been "Hamburger Hill"

That was a sad, sad class, as far as the Army was concerned. There were only 4 in my class-- 2 of them didn't want to commit after 2 years, and the other 2 of us were medically disqualified.

[pmulcahy11b]

That was a sad, sad class, as far as the Army was concerned. There were only 4 in my class-- 2 of them didn't want to commit after 2 years, and the other 2 of us were medically disqualified.

Did it happen to be 1986

[dragoon500ly]

We used to say the most dangerous thing was a 2LT with a map, a weapon, and a plan...

While stationed at Fort Hood, got to take part in a map-ex run by the 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division (that's right! I got to walk message forms from one table to another!! ) The Brigade S-3 was excited because part of the map-ex was to use a tactical nuke to destroy an enemy regiment.

The highlight of the map-ex was the S-3 personally plotting the target location for the tac nuke...

The Brigade Commander calmly watched the whole process and when it came time for him to request release of the nuke, asked the S-3 "Have you confirmed the target location"

"Yes Sir!"

"You do realize that the grid that you gave is the location of our headquarters"

[dragoon500ly]

You guys are so tempting fate. Do you want another tirade from me about the evils of the commissioning system as it exists today

Webstral

There's nothing wrong with Second Lieutenants, you just feed them, groom them and walk them a couple of times a day and they make great pets!

And never, ever, ever feed them after midnight!

[dragoon500ly]

While serving with the old 2ACR in Germany, I got the chance to serve as a gunner on a IP M-1. This was the first gunnery exercise that we did after reequipping with the Abrams, and while we had all completed the conversion training, experience was sadly lacking.

While firing the Table VIII night gunnery, we had some problems with the weather, a typical Grafenwoher nighttime fog. But not to worry! We had the new thermal sights and the targets had just been refitted with hot air blowers, they should show up great!

Right!!

When it came time for our turn on the stationary firing range, the fog was so heavy that you could not see the front of the turret from the hatches. And in the gunners seat...nothing could be seen. Finally, Range Control raised all the targets and turned the hot air blowers to maximum.

And nothing could be seen.

Finally, a dim blotch showed up on the thermal and with a great cry of glee, the tank commander yelled "FIRE!"

I pulled the triggers and watched the target explode into pieces. The only thing that I could think of was that I had hit the generator and had splattered burning fuel everywhere.

Needless to say, Range Control was screaming "Cease Fire" and that was the end of the gunnery program for the night.

The next morning, we found out what I had shot. I had nailed a boar, with a 105mm training HEAT round, 150 meters from the tank.

Yup! I had killed my pig, gutted and skinned it and cooked and served it all over the range!

And since boars are a protected species, I got to fill out about 25kg of forms for the German Forestry Service!

[Webstral]

The next morning, we found out what I had shot. I had nailed a boar, with a 105mm training HEAT round, 150 meters from the tank.

Yup! I had killed my pig, gutted and skinned it and cooked and served it all over the range!

Nice shootin', Tex!


Webstral

[pmulcahy11b]

While stationed at Fort Hood, got to take part in a map-ex run by the 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division (that's right! I got to walk message forms from one table to another!! ) The Brigade S-3 was excited because part of the map-ex was to use a tactical nuke to destroy an enemy regiment.

The highlight of the map-ex was the S-3 personally plotting the target location for the tac nuke...

The Brigade Commander calmly watched the whole process and when it came time for him to request release of the nuke, asked the S-3 "Have you confirmed the target location"

"Yes Sir!"

"You do realize that the grid that you gave is the location of our headquarters"

That reminds me of an exercise we did in Korea. Unbeknownst to us a Special Forces team was taking part in the exercise. They had full TOC identification, waltzed right into the field TOC carrying large bags -- and a couple of hours after they left, the G-2 got a phone call to check the underside of the TOC truck he was in. There was a simulated tactical nuclear device there, and somehow, no one had seen the SF team plant it even though the truck in question was in the middle of the TOC area and they used full simulated procedures to plant it.

Sometimes, you can get a long way just by acting like you belong there.

[Targan]

You guys are so tempting fate. Do you want another tirade from me about the evils of the commissioning system as it exists today

Webstral

That depends. Do you think Eddie is reading this thread

[TiggerCCW UK]

Two quick ones from my own experience;

When I was a cadet with the 1st Ulster Marine Cadets we entered a team into the NISAM (Northern Ireland Skill at Arms Meet), which was a big competition involving representatives from from all units based in NI at the time. As the troubles were still in full swing then this gave a very broad range of units, as all services, plus the TA and cadets attended. One of the years we were there it was interesting to see the locally recruited TA field ambulance unit out shoot the paras :-)

The second one involves a pop at junior officers again (sorry to all the Lt's and 2 Lt's out there). A friend of mine who will remain nameless (as she is now a serving regular officer) had a few issues with radios on an excercise - the conversation went something like this;

'Bravo alpha, this is bravo charlie, are you receiving, over'

Pause for reply, when none is forthcoming,

'Bravo alpha, this is bravo charlie, are you receiving, over'

Pause again, then turns to senior officer.

'Sir they aren't responding'

Senior officer replies

'Maybe they don't have their radio on'

My friend then displayed some awesome initiative by transmitting

'Bravo alpha, this is bravo charlie, please turn your radio on'

[B.T.]

Great one, Tigger!

[Adm.Lee]

Did it happen to be 1986

Shortly after-- I started at Allegheny in '86, so I think the map/movie episode was the following spring IMDB says the movie was released in December of '86, so it was likely in early '87, then.

[dragoon500ly]

Nice shootin', Tex!


Webstral

To the best of my knowledge, nobody has nailed a boar with a bigger gun!